Fast and flimsy sex and still not able to sleep, but she has fallen –
under the covers to the other world.
I move down the cold, dark passage where every move I make echoes twice.
I was reading about Thomas Wentworth Higginson, who prepared the first edition of Emily Dickinson’s poems in 1890. He wrote to his co-editor: “One poem only I dread a little to print – that wonder ‘Wild Nights,’ – lest the malignant read into it more than that virgin recluse ever dreamed of putting there. . . . Yet what a loss to omit it! Indeed it is not to be omitted.”
That comment made me look at the poem again and think about Emily – that virgin recluse – fantasizing in her room one night when she couldn’t sleep.
Wild Nights – Wild Nights! Were I with thee Wild Nights should be Our luxury!
Futile – the Winds – To a Heart in port – Done with the Compass – Done with the Chart!
Rowing in Eden – Ah, the Sea! Might I but moor – Tonight – With Thee!
Emily Dickinson’s poem “Split the Lark” refers to the “scarlet experiment.” I had to look up that reference. It is a term applied to when scientists destroy a bird or any creature in order to learn more about it. As Emily says, you can’t find the music inside the bird.
“Split the Lark – and You’ll find the Music –
Bulb after Bulb, in Silver rolled –
Scantily dealt to the Summer Morning
Saved for your Ear, when Lutes be old –
Loose the Flood – you shall find it patent –
Gush after Gush, reserved for you –
Scarlet Experiment! Skeptic Thomas!
Now, do you doubt that your Bird was true?”
We have been living in ordinary time. Not green days between Easter and Advent, but gray days without color or romance. I count the days, pray for intimacy, want to rewind time to our spring.
Ordinary Time (Latin: Tempus per annum) is the part of the liturgical year in the liturgy of the Roman Rite between Christmastide and Lent, and between Eastertide and Advent. The liturgical color assigned to Ordinary Time is green. The last Sunday of Ordinary Time is the Solemnity of Christ the King. The “ordinary” cames from “ordinal” for the numerals that mark these weeks of the seasons of Christmastide and Eastertide starting with the 1st week of Ordinary Time in January to the 34th week that begins toward the end of November.
The haiku I would write for you were illustrated with my sketches, watercolors or Japanese prints I found in magazines or postcards from that used bookstore that we would browse, buy poetry, and read aloud.
I thought of you as my muse. Eastern and yet so Western. Younger but also older than me in some ways. The poem you left on the bed with an erotic print which I misinterpreted.
Your side of the bed was still warm, then cold all morning, afternoon, night, like the Moon
Looking at the old photo of you taking a photo of me hasn’t faded though we separated five hundred Moons ago. Thinking of you with each daylily bloom. Flowering, falling, returning anew and yet old.